What motivates you?  It maybe a corner office, wealth, influencing others, or to reach a level others have failed to accomplish.  Motivation is NOT a behavior, however, it strongly influences our behaviors.  I would define motivation as the psychological source of personal energy that drives you to succeed.  There are many types of social motives, however, three of the underlying social motives are: achievement, affiliation, and influence.

The need for achievement can be described as a way to do something quicker, better, easier or simply more efficient.  The thought pattern of achievement motivated people may include: out-performing someone else, meeting or exceeding self-imposed standards, striving for unique accomplishments, and thinking about long-term career connections.  When I think of achievement I am driven to succeed by self-imposed standards I have set for myself.  Recognizing your driving force to achieve will allow you to control the force that ignites your fire.  Just remember to not cut corners when striving for your goals and avoid becoming an ineffective manager by only worrying about the results. 

What motivates you to affiliate?  The core concern behind affiliation is establishing, maintaining, or repairing relationships.  Two types of affiliation exist; you may have a genuine interest in others or you may just want to belong.  I enjoy networking, engaging in conversation, and  maintaining relationships.  If affiliation motivates you, you may also be concerned with  disruption of relationships and also characterize group activities as social or friendly.

What drives you to influence?  The goal underlying influence motivation is a concern with having impact, with reputation and influence.  Influence motivation is also called power motivation.  When individuals combine their ability to achieve with the ability to influence you will see a leader born.  Whether the drive to influence is for personal or social gain people like having a leader.  Having the ability to not only achieve but influence will create followers and in turn increase your ability to influence.   

I would love to hear what motivates you.  Are you driven to achieve, affiliate, and influence?

CRUX: Determine what motivates you whether it is achievement, affiliation, or influence.  Understanding what keeps you going will allow you to flip the switch and ignite your fire.  

“The greater danger for most of us lies not in setting our aim to high and falling short; but in setting our aim to low, and achieving our mark.” -Michelangelo

Previously, we set the ground work for establishing connections and maintaining rapport as an effective starting point when it comes to networking.  When most people hear the word networking, they may think of a local chamber commerce meeting or a cocktail party, boring small talk, and just what to use when leaving early. However, networking is how most people get clients, find employees, a new restaurant spot, a place to vacation, and most importantly it is the basis for developing relationships.  Regardless if you are an introvert or extrovert, you can be successful at networking. It is just a matter of figuring out your style.  What is your philosophy on networking?

How do you feel about meeting new people? Do you dread the thought? Or, do you look forward to engaging conversation everywhere, all the time?

The main underlining message behind networking is building bridges.  Setting out to make a good first impression is always important when meeting someone for the first time.  Try smiling, it is contagious.  People recognize positive energy, just be genuine and consistent with who you are and others will be encouraged to engage in conversation. There is no need to be over the top, rather it is more about doing the small things that really matter.  For example, a friend of mine was walking into his local chamber of commerce meeting and held the door open for the person walking in behind him.  This simple gesture led to a conversation and potentially will lead to having a new client.  More importantly, a bridge was formed.  You never know who you might meet on a given day; you should be ready to set yourself apart from the others.  Be authentic, but standout!

Go out and ask questions but remember to listen.   Asking questions and getting to know someone is a very easy way to network. In return, be ready to answer questions about yourself in a confident yet humble manner.  You might want to have a line rehearsed about who you are and what you do.  Don’t make it robotic and be yourself; the more you do this the more natural it becomes.  Take this time to practice listening and follow the steps of becoming an active listener, it will take time but you will improve.  I know you may start daydreaming about how great your weekend is going to be and may miss an entire conversation but if all else fails when it comes to retaining anything from the conversation, at least remember their name.  People like hearing their name, pay them a compliment by remembering their name.  Master listening and you will set yourself apart from others, unfortunately most of us are too busy wanting to speak we forget to listen.  Nobody ever said it was going to be easy and it requires a lot of work but with a little practice we can master this skill.

I think the hardest part of networking is maintaining the relationships we have established.  Do you ever sit back and wonder what happen to a co-worker or college roommate?  When this happens to me, I find ways to reconnect and then practice keeping in touch.  A simple text message, email, or phone call goes along way yet it usually gets passed up because we are too busy.  The social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, & Linkedin have simplified this process for you.  It may take you a few hours to get these platforms up and running but after that you just need to check back periodicly. This is probably the easiest way to network with people.  It just takes a little time and you can make that happen, right? Taking the time to put out a little effort  lets others know you really care.  Stop making the excuse, there is no reason to lose contact with a friend or co-worker.  Do the little things that will keep you in touch.

CRUX: Take every opportunity to set yourself apart from others.  Do the little things like building bridges, listening, and making an effort to keep in touch.  This takes work and practice but focusing on others will ultimately lead to a chance for you shine.

“Success in life, in anything, depends upon the number of persons that one can make himself agreeable to.” -Thomas Carlyle

From a young age, we are taught to be happy and thankful for what we have, there less fortunate people than ourselves. To want more is considered terrible, you should conform to what others think is fair.  I remember being trained to ask for less, to not be greedy, and expect less.  Ultimately, I was being told to demand less and expect less out of life.

What do we have to lose by thinking big?  I would argue you have nothing to lose and everything to gain!

Majority of people are afraid of thinking big, they are scared to lead, scared to be successful, and scared to be rich. For some, being rich or successful is a satisfying dream and they are content with having this dream.  Remember, most people think small; when you tell them what you plan on doing they will probably try to talk you out of it or tell you how you can’t do it.  This is a typical response; people create glass ceilings for themselves.  They can’t imagine themselves ever being able to achieve the same so they try and talk you out of it.  Don’t let others discourage you from thinking big.  If anything, tell others about your plans so they can hold you accountable, then go out there and make it happen.

What is the reason for success?  Successful people take their dream to the next level. They give themselves permission to lead, succeed, or be wealthy; they don’t stop until the vision becomes their reality.  A poster child for “thinking big,” Donald Trump says, “I realized it was just as easy to think big as it was to think small, maybe a bit more complicated but I liked the challenge.”  Now it is your turn to start thinking big!  Anyone who thinks the sky is the limit, has limited their growth; think big and transform your vision into your reality.  Life is like that, it evolves, it grows and you can have it all.   

CRUX: Think big, give yourself permission, make a commitment, and don’t stop until your vision becomes reality.

 “You have to set goals that are almost out of reach. If you set a goal that is attainable without much work or thought, you are stuck with something below your true talent and potential.” -Steve Garvey

I originally planned on writing about networking, however establishing connections and maintaining rapport is an important starting point.  When it comes to developing and building relationships there are a few things you can do to create solid rapport.  How would you define Rapport?

When meeting someone for the first time it is important to seek common ground.  To begin with, you could research the person to find a common interest or topic of discussion.  This has become much easier recently due to social media platforms and the internet.  Creating this starting point will set up the basis for an engaged conversation you can build upon.

At the beginning of any relationship we should adjust our communication style accordingly as we begin to develop rapport.  You may need to change your pitch, tone, and vocabulary to match the level of the person you are conversing with.  Three types of styles include audio, visual, and kinesthetic.  People will give cues to the style they prefer through there words and actions.  I found a very interesting article by Joe DeVito called Conversational Coolers and Warmers which discusses conversation styles and characteristics of conversation. The purpose of engaging in this conversation is to build comfort and rapport, not to impress people.  

Next, we need to engage actively and lead through listening.  This is one of the most important skills to master, yet the least developed.  The key aspects of active listening involve: eye contact, focus, timing, and summarizing a conversation.  The most important part of actively listening is to actually listen.  Asking questions or giving verbal cues will allow you to seek a common understanding in the conversation and help with the retaining efforts.  For more depth, refer to a earlier post on Becoming an Active Listener.  

 Lastly, remembering names is an important aspect of developing rapport.  Using a person’s name makes them feel comfortable and even important.  By remembering someone’s name you are paying them a compliment.  So decide this is must, begin to associate that name with an object, picture, or even a word that rhymes with it and use their name in conversation. 

CRUX: Become an excellent communicator and build connections and rapport with people.  We must seek common ground, adjust our style, and take part in active listening.     

                                                                                                     
“Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.” – Richard Bach

We are constantly being evaluated in every aspect of our lives and we can choose to control how others perceive us by our choice of words and our body language.  People speak to themselves at a rate of 200 words per minute and we are constantly giving cues to what we are thinking.  The practice of motivating others through positive communication will draw others towards you and make you stand alone.

The first key to positive communication starts with reframing.  This process involves rephrasing a negative comment or statement into something positive that is non-threatening.  Three phrases I have learned to help reframe from negative comments are: yet, up till now, and in the past.  This is a very important leadership practice for young individuals aspiring to be great.  If you are building others up you are putting off a vibe that becomes contagious and others want to be around. 

On a daily basis we are flooded with negative energy which can also be contagious.  If you watch the news you may get a story or two within the hour that is actually positive.  It is difficult to have a positive perspective if everything we hear is negative.  Sometimes we need to choose to be deaf to negative input.  Becoming aware of how you interact with others will help you realize how to improve.  Consider carrying a journal around and track your interactions throughout the day in order to grasp an understanding of how well you perform.

Lastly, we want to avoid using “ums” and “ers” and we should eliminate these from our vocabulary.  The best way to by time when communicating is to pause. Rather than fumbling your words consider pausing and grabbing your words prior to speaking. Mastering this concept can be the single most significant tool in communication. When you pause, you will be sending a message to your listener and also gaining their attention.

CRUX: Reframe from using negative remarks and master single most significant communication tool.

“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” -Plato

Do you ever miss deadlines?  Do you fall short of completing the things you needed to get done for the day?  I know it happens to me.  With years of experience and even coaching some leaders have still fail to control the clock.  Everyday it appears we don’t have enough time however we actually have all the time that exists.  There are many reasons why we mismanage our time.  Taking an active role and being self aware will allow us to start to control the clock.  

The first time constraint is “I don’t have time.” Actually, we do have the time; we just don’t manage it well.  Creating “to-do lists,” lead to failure.  Don’t get me wrong, the list is a great idea; the individual managing it is why it fails. We like checking things off a list; we gain a sense of accomplishment even though the tasks are meaningless.  By addressing the biggest priorities and eliminate the insignificant items we will gain valuable time which would have been wasted otherwise.  The next constraint is the lack of quiet time. Working in an environment with a lot of noise can be very distracting and cause your efficiency to decline.  Remove all interruptions or do what it takes to avoid them.  You may need to restructure your office so it is harder for someone to make eye contact with you.  I have found it easier to close the door or not look up when someone is being distracting outside my office in order to avoid okaying invite.  The next constraint is procrastination.  Here is something we are all really good at!  Maybe it stems from college, having to and pull all-nighters because we mismanaged our time and didn’t have our priorities straight.  Start early and have a plan in place.  The last constraint is disorderly workspace.  Take the time to organize your desk and plan out your activities.  The less clutter the better!

CRUX: Remember, we have all the time that exists; it is up to you to control the clock and avoid the time constraints.

“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.” – Albert Einstein