Relationship Building


Previously, we set the ground work for establishing connections and maintaining rapport as an effective starting point when it comes to networking.  When most people hear the word networking, they may think of a local chamber commerce meeting or a cocktail party, boring small talk, and just what to use when leaving early. However, networking is how most people get clients, find employees, a new restaurant spot, a place to vacation, and most importantly it is the basis for developing relationships.  Regardless if you are an introvert or extrovert, you can be successful at networking. It is just a matter of figuring out your style.  What is your philosophy on networking?

How do you feel about meeting new people? Do you dread the thought? Or, do you look forward to engaging conversation everywhere, all the time?

The main underlining message behind networking is building bridges.  Setting out to make a good first impression is always important when meeting someone for the first time.  Try smiling, it is contagious.  People recognize positive energy, just be genuine and consistent with who you are and others will be encouraged to engage in conversation. There is no need to be over the top, rather it is more about doing the small things that really matter.  For example, a friend of mine was walking into his local chamber of commerce meeting and held the door open for the person walking in behind him.  This simple gesture led to a conversation and potentially will lead to having a new client.  More importantly, a bridge was formed.  You never know who you might meet on a given day; you should be ready to set yourself apart from the others.  Be authentic, but standout!

Go out and ask questions but remember to listen.   Asking questions and getting to know someone is a very easy way to network. In return, be ready to answer questions about yourself in a confident yet humble manner.  You might want to have a line rehearsed about who you are and what you do.  Don’t make it robotic and be yourself; the more you do this the more natural it becomes.  Take this time to practice listening and follow the steps of becoming an active listener, it will take time but you will improve.  I know you may start daydreaming about how great your weekend is going to be and may miss an entire conversation but if all else fails when it comes to retaining anything from the conversation, at least remember their name.  People like hearing their name, pay them a compliment by remembering their name.  Master listening and you will set yourself apart from others, unfortunately most of us are too busy wanting to speak we forget to listen.  Nobody ever said it was going to be easy and it requires a lot of work but with a little practice we can master this skill.

I think the hardest part of networking is maintaining the relationships we have established.  Do you ever sit back and wonder what happen to a co-worker or college roommate?  When this happens to me, I find ways to reconnect and then practice keeping in touch.  A simple text message, email, or phone call goes along way yet it usually gets passed up because we are too busy.  The social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, & Linkedin have simplified this process for you.  It may take you a few hours to get these platforms up and running but after that you just need to check back periodicly. This is probably the easiest way to network with people.  It just takes a little time and you can make that happen, right? Taking the time to put out a little effort  lets others know you really care.  Stop making the excuse, there is no reason to lose contact with a friend or co-worker.  Do the little things that will keep you in touch.

CRUX: Take every opportunity to set yourself apart from others.  Do the little things like building bridges, listening, and making an effort to keep in touch.  This takes work and practice but focusing on others will ultimately lead to a chance for you shine.

“Success in life, in anything, depends upon the number of persons that one can make himself agreeable to.” -Thomas Carlyle

I originally planned on writing about networking, however establishing connections and maintaining rapport is an important starting point.  When it comes to developing and building relationships there are a few things you can do to create solid rapport.  How would you define Rapport?

When meeting someone for the first time it is important to seek common ground.  To begin with, you could research the person to find a common interest or topic of discussion.  This has become much easier recently due to social media platforms and the internet.  Creating this starting point will set up the basis for an engaged conversation you can build upon.

At the beginning of any relationship we should adjust our communication style accordingly as we begin to develop rapport.  You may need to change your pitch, tone, and vocabulary to match the level of the person you are conversing with.  Three types of styles include audio, visual, and kinesthetic.  People will give cues to the style they prefer through there words and actions.  I found a very interesting article by Joe DeVito called Conversational Coolers and Warmers which discusses conversation styles and characteristics of conversation. The purpose of engaging in this conversation is to build comfort and rapport, not to impress people.  

Next, we need to engage actively and lead through listening.  This is one of the most important skills to master, yet the least developed.  The key aspects of active listening involve: eye contact, focus, timing, and summarizing a conversation.  The most important part of actively listening is to actually listen.  Asking questions or giving verbal cues will allow you to seek a common understanding in the conversation and help with the retaining efforts.  For more depth, refer to a earlier post on Becoming an Active Listener.  

 Lastly, remembering names is an important aspect of developing rapport.  Using a person’s name makes them feel comfortable and even important.  By remembering someone’s name you are paying them a compliment.  So decide this is must, begin to associate that name with an object, picture, or even a word that rhymes with it and use their name in conversation. 

CRUX: Become an excellent communicator and build connections and rapport with people.  We must seek common ground, adjust our style, and take part in active listening.     

                                                                                                     
Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.” – Richard Bach

I am writing from the perspective of a follower and future leader. At a young age, I made a point to observe, listen, and respect the role models that I noticed who were particularly successful in business and life. I have been blessed by their lectures and knowledge which they have shared with me over years. So what is the success to creating leaders through mentoring?

The mentoring process starts with a great leader who enjoys passing on experience and knowledge to their followers.  If there is someone you want to mentor or someone who seeks advice from you, make sure you ask their permission. Permission mentoring is a process that creates and evolves aspiring leaders.  Some individuals don’t want to be coached, or are not ready for instruction at that particular time, so asking for permission is key.  Creating agreements is an effective process in mentoring.  Having willing agreements with employees/followers will help the accountability process.  Most importantly, when setting agreements, try to avoid establishing outcomes. Instead, agree on direction, activities, and conduct.  The mentoring process should set aside uninterrupted time.  During the appointment, recognize specific actions that deserve praise.  As a follower, you really appreciate if your mentor is involved in your development and acknowledges your successes as well as failures.  Lastly, measure your results and make changes when needed.  This is a life long process; the greater the communication is between the two parties, the greater the outcome.

CRUX: Great leaders create followers; excellent leaders create leaders! Ask permission, set an agreement, stay involved and measure your results.

Mentoring is a brain to pick, an ear to listen, and a push in the right direction.” – John Cosby

Most organizations are hampered by “organizational silence” which is a potentially dangerous phenomenon and a huge barrier in the workplace. Organization silence is when employees fail to speak up regarding issues when they acknowledge something is wrong. Although many things factor into this “silence” it is often employees aren’t honest when asked there opinion in fear of consequence and also managers may factor out the negative feedback, not seeing it as creditable. If managers aren’t listening to there employees and considering each opinion creditable; why would an employee voice his or her concerns?

If you are not listening to your employees, you are turning on the entire system. The employees are in the trenches and have a better understanding of the pros and cons of an organization than the management. When you filter out negative opinions and stop trying to making the system work better, you will ultimately be headed in the wrong direction. If you get to many people in one organization that are all thinking alike you will end up with “group think” and we have seen how that turns out.

So ultimately it is the responsibility of management to convey an open door policy when it comes to positive or negative suggestions. At my company, we have a “suggestion box” and a monetary award is given for a suggestion that the company ends up implementing. If you suggestion isn’t implemented you receive a letter stating acknowledging your idea and encouraging continued support. It takes work and it isn’t easy, our system can be improved upon and it continues to get better. The employees need to be honest and speak up while the management needs to make the environment safe open to constructive criticism in order to constantly shape the system.

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