How many of us have found ourselves in a conversation and yet we don’t even know what that other person is saying? You have zoned out and started thinking about lunch or what you are doing this weekend and only to key back in when you hear something that catches your attention. Or even better yet, a question comes to mind so you do everything in your power to retain your thought and in doing so you are actually trying not to listen in order to remember your question. Why are we taught to read, write, & speak but not to listen? Without effectively listening, communication begins to vanish!
The truth is, this is more common than not. When it comes to being more effective communicators I believe we can all improve our listening skills. Here are 6 steps to become a more active listener:
1) Distraction- Consider your location and individuals around when you are listening. Are you distracted? A busy coffee shop may not be the most effective place for you to meet for a meeting. If you are distracted easily, recognize this and consider a place where you can stay focused.
2) Eye Contact- Let the speaker know you are listening and you do this by giving feed back with your eyes. You are now acknowledging the speaker and the message are of importance.
3) Timing- Too often we are consumed with a project or focused on a task and we can’t be there to listen. Rather than adopting partial listening, politely let them know this isn’t a good time. Make yourself available, but chose the time
4) Feelings v. Content- There are two levels which conversations operate: issue based and emotional based. By reading between these two issues you will know if it is right to move forward with a question or statement. If not, wait and address it at a more appropriate time.
5) Cues- Using both verbal and non-verbal cues are key letting the speaker know you are focused. Being engaged and asking questions and giving feed back will not only help you stay focused but allows you to guide the conversation and in doing so you are keeping control.
6) Summarize- Come to an agreement on the conversation and layout the next steps. By taking action after the conversation you are demonstrating that you care and you were listening.
CRUX: Listening is not easy! Do the little things that will help you stay focused and engage in the conversation.
“The ear of the leader must ring with the voices of the people.” — Woodrow Wilson
January 7, 2010 at 4:56 pm
In active listening, eye contact as well as verbal & non-verbal cues are obviously important but you have brought up good points about distractions and timing that are just as important and not always taken into consideration. ~Tele Raack
January 7, 2010 at 10:18 pm
thanks for the comment Tele!
January 8, 2010 at 7:58 am
Matthew,
This is an important topic. Communication fails without the ability to listen. The summary at the end of the conversation is extremely valuable in my opinion.
Thanks,
Kevin
January 8, 2010 at 9:49 am
Kevin,
Too often we talk about communication and how it can be improved while not focusing on the listening aspect as much. Thanks.
January 8, 2010 at 8:27 am
Great advice! From a speaker’s perspective, it is important to read those physical cues as well to be sure that instructions or important points aren’t being missed. I’ve found myself reeling a person back in when I see them zoning out to be sure that what I’m telling them isn’t being missed.
- Jason
January 8, 2010 at 9:46 am
Jason,
Great point, we do need to be actively listening when we are speaking as well as when we are listening to somone else speak. Thanks for the read!
January 8, 2010 at 10:40 pm
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